Why I Was Born
My Past, Current & Future
Why do I even exist?
I don?t like the way I look. Why was I made different from everyone else? Why is my hair this way? During my teenage years, I had many questions about who I am, the way my body looked, why I had to sit for hours and go through a half day of torture to get my hair done. I know it is normal for a teenager to be moody, irritated, and start learning more about life. I was the simple plain Jane, as my mom used to say. I did not think there was anything special about me. It was not clear to me then why I exist. Why I am here. What I am supposed to do. I thank God for the book of life where I go to for everything. Why would we not ask the creator these questions when he is the one that created you in His own image?
Did I change?
As I was living out my teenage years, one would say, ?you are boring, you never change.? I still was quiet, I still was obedient, I was not the perfect child, and I was very sheltered. We grew up in a Christian home where conversations about sex were absent. Conversations about life were not explained the way I would have wanted. I was told not to do certain things but did not have conversations which led me to think, maybe I should not. I was both afraid and curious. We learned about the bible and the 10 commandments in Exodus 20: 3 - 17. During this time, I believe my mother did not know how to talk to me other than to tell me what would happen if I did something. In school, I was quiet, quiet as a church mouse. I did not talk until someone said something to me. I did not have a lot of friends and I was not able to hang out after school like the other teenagers. When my mom would attend parents teaching night, each teacher said the same thing: ?Teekwa is very quiet. I have no problems with her, but you don?t know if she is there.? It was like I never existed. Why was I here? There wasn?t anything special about me. After searching for answers as to why I was born, it became clear that I am special because people need people like me who are steady, consistent, and don?t change who they are. I bring a breath of fresh air to people I come into contact with. I was told I bring a calm spirit. So that takes us back to series 1 in terms of how I was my mom's calm spirit even when she wanted me to be like other babies. I gave mom, who was a teenage mom, what she needed at the time and not what she wanted.
Why do I exist? I would ask...
I would look at the girls around me and see how much fun they would have in school, wanting to be a part of their circle. But I wasn?t outgoing, talkative or outspoken, so I would just watch from afar. I would know the answers to the questions the teacher asked, but fear would grip me. I?d think everyone would look at me. Someone would laugh at me. So I would not raise my hand and I?d let someone else answer. I don?t know if anyone else felt this but, when I used to sit in the class, I used to sit all the way at the back so there was no attention on me or so the teacher would not call on me. However, at times, I would get this feeling that the teacher would call on me ALL the time! I would get called on. I?d think, ?Oh my God, why is everyone looking at me?. I would get so nervous I felt sick. My body felt hot. I was very softly spoken so my teachers would say, ?Teekwa, please speak up. I know you are softly spoken, but we cannot hear you up in the front?. I would scream inside. I was bullied at one time in school too and that is the worst feeling anyone can go through. Why is this happening to me? Why does she hate me so much? What did I do? Others would compare skin tone. Why are you darker than me? Whose hair was longer or better? Why are you so skinny? Do you eat food? I did not wear designer clothes like the other kids, but my parents made sure we had what we needed, and my mom would make our birthdays very special by getting that one thing we really wanted. Those were special moments my mom created for each of her children. Again, why did I exist? I did not know how to sing, dance or have any special talents. I would cry in secret and feel so bad. The one thing that made me feel good was writing in my diary, reading, and playing with my barbie dolls. This was my world. I could write about anything I wanted to say without talking, write about what I wanted to be when I grew up, and play with my dolls and live in a fantasy of what I wanted my life to be.
During this period in my life, I wondered why these things were happening to me. Why the boys did not like me. Why do I look the way I look? Why did my mother not give me a common name like Tina, Tanya, or Michelle? All these whys? I know now that I was not the only teenager in the world going through so many challenges or traumatic experiences. In fact, as I was exploring why I was born, I realized that what I went through was NOTHING compared to the stories I hear today from women I have met from different cultures, walks of life, or nationalities, etc.
I exist because?
I exist because God made me in his own image. Although I did not know then, I definitely know now. He made me unique. There is no one like me and that is special because I am one of a kind. I am not perfect and nor do I want to be perfect because my flaws, my hurts, disappointments, mistakes, make me who I am today. Yes, I am an introvert, but it?s because God wanted me to be because we need people in the world who are just that. I am not an extrovert because the image he designed for me did not call for that, otherwise, my life and decisions would have gone in another direction. The direction he foresaw is the path that he wanted me to follow. Along the way, I was able to affect people?s lives because of what God had blessed me with. I am a daughter, a mother, a sister, a friend, and a grandmother. More importantly, I am the daughter to the king. Jesus died on the cross for my sins. John 3:16, for God so love the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life. I was created for greatness and did not know it then but know it now.
Have you figured out why you exist?
I hope I have inspired you to explore this journey. Maybe you have not figured out how to yet, but I hope that you have learned some things about yourself as I have been sharing my journey along the way. Remember this: you are here for a purpose. For example, you are either born male or female. Come back to read Why I Was Born Series #4. I would love to hear back from you on your thoughts.
Scriptures to back up why you exist:
1 Corinthians 3:9 [AMP] For we are fellow workmen (joint promoters, laborers together) with and for God's garden and vineyard and field under cultivation, [you are] God's building [Isa. 61:3]
Colossians 1:16 [AMP] For it was in Him that all things were created, in heaven and on earth, things seen and things unseen, whether thrones, dominions, rulers, or authorities; all things were created and exist through Him [by His service, intervention] and in and for Him.
Isaiah 43:6-7 [AMP] I will say to the north, Give up! and to the south, Keep not back. Bring My sons from afar and My daughters from the ends of the earth.
John 3: 16 [AMP] For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten ("unique") Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.
Genesis 1:1-31 [AMP] In the beginning God (prepared, formed, fashioned, and) created the heavens and the earth...
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1 Peter 3:15 [AMP] But in your hearts set Christ apart as holy [and acknowledge Him] as Lord. Always be ready to give a logical defense to anyone who asks you to account for the hope that is in you, but do it courteously and respectfully [Isa. 8:12, 13.]
Genesis 50:20 [AMP] As for you, you thought evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring about that many people should be kept alive, as they are this day.
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Be Blessed. Be Beautiful. Be Empowered.
Teekwa Scarborough
Business Christian Coach
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